Changing my mind

I usually exist in a world that is quite positive. I believe that life is good and with an optimistic attitude comes a pleasant experience. This has worked for me all of my life. I am always aware of my self-talk and do my best to catch myself when I'm not thinking in the right direction to achieve my goals.

Last week I totally forgot to do that.

Monday was grey and cold. Miserable. And so, I decided that I was also grey, cold and miserable. And guess what? I was. All week. Five whole days!

Normally, I recognize that I'm in a bad mood and give myself a timeline to "get over it". Last week I just sat in the mud. Stuck. I wanted to be down and dirty. I wanted to be unlovable.

I avoided people. I broke plans. I just felt fucking sorry for myself. I actually thought about running away. Literally. Instead of turning north off the main highway that takes me home, I was tempted just to keep driving west. Into the mountains. Into the ocean, if that's what it took. No, I'm not suicidal. I just wanted a fresh outlook. A fresh start. I wanted to get clean.

On Saturday, I got my fresh start. The sun was out. I found some good music to listen to. There was a spring in my step. Nothing had changed in my life, except for my mind.

I decided that I was going to approach my challenges with a new perspective. I was enthusiastic about work and my relationships. I wanted to reach out and talk to people, to make them feel important. And in turn, I felt good. I appreciated the things that people did for me and did things for others that they could appreciate. I was impeccable with my word.

People that I love reached out and found me. Many of them had no idea I was falling. Yet, they were there. It was awesome that they were intuitive and felt my need. (I'm not good at asking for help).

Yesterday, I cleaned off my desk. Rearranged it entirely. Placed my goals in front of me, in writing. Checked of my "to do" list. Made another. Took a deep breath and realized that I had changed my mind about how things were going to look in my immediate future.

Today I feel new.

There's an old saying that changing one's mind is a woman's prerogative.

I agree, and I beg to differ.

In fact, it is everyone's prerogative.

You can change your mind.