Happy "Prove your love to me" Day!

I remember when Valentines day was fun. Our teacher would send home a list of everyone boy and girl in our class, so that come Valentine's day no one would be left out of a getting a card. Occasionally, a few people would get more than others, but rarely did one person get excluded entirely. I think that was in grade 3.

Things have changed.

Now, it's more common than not for people to be excluded and feel lonely on this ridiculous made up "Hallmark" holiday.

I'm not writing this because I'm single and just generally have a hate-on for Valentine's day. That's because I'm married. I'm writing this because there are a bunch of women out there that need a wake up call.

I'm not writing this to tell you to stop celebrating your Hallmark holiday. I'm just wanting people to think about it a bit.

Yes, I know there are men out there that love Valentines day as much as the women. Come on guys, put up your hands!

*crickets*

Look, celebrate your love for eachother on Valentine's day.

Let me repeat that.

Celebrate.Your.Love.For.Eachother.On.Valentine's.Day.

Notice I didn't say "Prove your love for eachother on Valentine's day"?

Let's pull out the key words : Celebrate. Love. Eachother.

Yes, people, in case things have changed, love is a 2 way street.

Expecting your man to make you breakfast in bed, call you 16 times, Send you a dozen perfect roses from the most expensive florist in town - at the precisely perfect time so you can rub it in your co-workers face, take you for an expensive lunch, pick you up from work wearing a heart endorned scarf to take you for dinner at a 5 star restaurant only to come home to a flower petal trail to a hot bubble bath and 3 hours of lovemaking, and then pulling a hissy fit if he doesn't celebrate Valentine's day or PROVE HIS LOVE to you, to your exact specifications, isn't love.

Oops. I forgot the giant card that he rushed out to buy at 11 o'clock on Sunday night so that he'd avoid the wrath of you.

Putting men in a position to fail isn't love.

Men are different than us romantic, sentimental creatures. Some men are natural romantics. Some aren't. Stop forcing the issue.

I don't want my partner to hand me a valentine's gift with that "deer in the headlights" aka "Did I buy the right thing, Oh my god, please don't melt down on me" look in his eyes.

I want my partner to love me everyday. He doesn't have to buy me a tacky heart shaped pendant with diamond dust sprinkled all around it from Kay's Jewelers to prove it. I don't expect him to spend 3x on flowers for one day when the next he could spend what those flowers are worth.

The only thing I expect him to spend is his time. Not just on Valentine's day. Every day.

Stop specifying how love looks. It's one day! Grow up!

And while I'm on the subject, to you women that throw a hissy fit about the engagement ring your future spouse has presented you with : Smarten up.

You don't like the ring he gave you? Here's a newsflash : If he bought it for you without pissing his shorts in fear, and asked you to marry him without passing out in fear, I'd say that's a pretty big accomplishment. Oh, and what did you buy him? Was it worth 2 months of salary?

I heard about a woman who hated her engagement ring so much that she threw it out of a moving vehicle.

What you do with the love you're given says a lot about you.

Stop dictating how you think love looks. Love looks the way your partner is capable of showing you. Let's stop scaring the crap out of our lovers, shall we?

Be grateful.

Meet me in the Middle

I've always gone out of my way for people. I was a pleaser as a child and brought that into adulthood with me. I'm less of a pleaser now, although I'm still compelled to help my friends out, or accommodate a client to ensure they are satisfied with my service. But, more and more, I am becoming less satisfied. Less pleased.

I looked at my odometer the other day and was astonished at how many miles I've put on my car this year. I use my car for work, so it's not entirely a surprise, but I got to thinking tonight about the last time a friend came to visit me. I'm always out and about and tend to make things easy for people by driving across the city to see them. I make things easy for my clients by making sure they are most comfortable when we are meeting. I don't want to inconvenience anyone.

I've been in a very happy place lately and I've noticed that as a result I'm feeling a bit smothered lately. Or rather, grabbed at, if that makes sense. I feel like some people see me opening up and are wanting some of whatever they see glowing out of me. The natural response for me in that situation is to retreat. And that is what I feel I am doing.

No, I'm not depressed. No, I'm not being a hermit. I just have decided that if my friends want me to continue to go out of my way for them, I'm going to need them to meet me in the middle. Literally and figuratively.

I know it's not proper to give with the expectation of getting back, but I'm there. My emotional bank is full but I've restricted who gets to make withdrawals. There seems to be a discrepancy amongst the checks and balances. And because I've been letting everyone take out the same amount, I haven't been depositing the proper amounts into the emotional banks of the people most deserving of my time, love, and generosity. I'm not going to stop giving or being me, because I can't help that. But I am very aware of who is abusing my good nature.

I had a friend call upon me the other night. He never asks for help and I was more than happy to assist him. Then he apologized for imposing upon me. For one thing, he could ask me for help every day for the rest of his life and I would help him. Because I know he would do the same for me.

Here's the thing: The friends that I help or cater to the most, don't seem to appreciate it. And they are the ones who expect the most from me.

Remember that old saying "You teach people how to treat you"?

Well, I'm about to change up the curriculum.