Changing my mind

I usually exist in a world that is quite positive. I believe that life is good and with an optimistic attitude comes a pleasant experience. This has worked for me all of my life. I am always aware of my self-talk and do my best to catch myself when I'm not thinking in the right direction to achieve my goals.

Last week I totally forgot to do that.

Monday was grey and cold. Miserable. And so, I decided that I was also grey, cold and miserable. And guess what? I was. All week. Five whole days!

Normally, I recognize that I'm in a bad mood and give myself a timeline to "get over it". Last week I just sat in the mud. Stuck. I wanted to be down and dirty. I wanted to be unlovable.

I avoided people. I broke plans. I just felt fucking sorry for myself. I actually thought about running away. Literally. Instead of turning north off the main highway that takes me home, I was tempted just to keep driving west. Into the mountains. Into the ocean, if that's what it took. No, I'm not suicidal. I just wanted a fresh outlook. A fresh start. I wanted to get clean.

On Saturday, I got my fresh start. The sun was out. I found some good music to listen to. There was a spring in my step. Nothing had changed in my life, except for my mind.

I decided that I was going to approach my challenges with a new perspective. I was enthusiastic about work and my relationships. I wanted to reach out and talk to people, to make them feel important. And in turn, I felt good. I appreciated the things that people did for me and did things for others that they could appreciate. I was impeccable with my word.

People that I love reached out and found me. Many of them had no idea I was falling. Yet, they were there. It was awesome that they were intuitive and felt my need. (I'm not good at asking for help).

Yesterday, I cleaned off my desk. Rearranged it entirely. Placed my goals in front of me, in writing. Checked of my "to do" list. Made another. Took a deep breath and realized that I had changed my mind about how things were going to look in my immediate future.

Today I feel new.

There's an old saying that changing one's mind is a woman's prerogative.

I agree, and I beg to differ.

In fact, it is everyone's prerogative.

You can change your mind.

30 Days of Gratitude - Days 4 and 5

I had some anxiety on Friday when I found out the hotel room I was staying in didn't have wifi. This meant that I couldn't post to my blog while I was away for the weekend. It did, however, allow me to focus on the person I was spending time with, which makes me grateful. More on that a little later in the post. In the meantime, I will fill you in on what I initially intended to post....

Day 4

Today I am grateful for being ALIVE. I am grateful every day, but day 4 was my birthday, which is that annual wake up call that, whether you like it or not, makes you stop for a moment and take stock of your life.

I love getting older. When I was in my 20s, I thought I knew it all. And now, in my 30s, I KNOW that I don't KNOW it all. I'm so excited to see what the future holds, while I do my best to live in each moment.

It really disappoints me when people have a birthday and find it depressing because they don't believe they are where they should be in life. Instead of reflecting on where one "should" have been, I suggest looking at where you are. If you look closely, you will probably recognize that you are EXACTLY where you should be.

Are you happy? Are you ALIVE? More importantly, are you happy and grateful to be alive? I know that I am.

I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for my wonderful parents. So, this would be an appropriate opportunity to express my gratitude of them. I also wouldn't be who I am if it weren't for the "village" of people that have "raised" me; parents, family, friends, teachers, mentors.

Gratitude....

Day 5

Today I am grateful for the UNIVERSE'S INTUITION.



Let me explain....

This weekend I was enrolled in a workshop that arrived at just the right moment in my life, because I was ready for it.

This workshop really required my utmost attention. It required my dedication. It required no distraction.

Well, guess what? Because my intent was clear, which was to be present, the universe created an environment which allowed me to focus on my goal.

Normally, my cell phone rings several times a day for business and I am inundated with texts and emails from clients and colleagues. This weekend, the phone was eerily but gratefully quiet. This enabled me to do what I needed to do.

Gratitude....

Read last year's birthday blog post here...