Happy "Prove your love to me" Day!

I remember when Valentines day was fun. Our teacher would send home a list of everyone boy and girl in our class, so that come Valentine's day no one would be left out of a getting a card. Occasionally, a few people would get more than others, but rarely did one person get excluded entirely. I think that was in grade 3.

Things have changed.

Now, it's more common than not for people to be excluded and feel lonely on this ridiculous made up "Hallmark" holiday.

I'm not writing this because I'm single and just generally have a hate-on for Valentine's day. That's because I'm married. I'm writing this because there are a bunch of women out there that need a wake up call.

I'm not writing this to tell you to stop celebrating your Hallmark holiday. I'm just wanting people to think about it a bit.

Yes, I know there are men out there that love Valentines day as much as the women. Come on guys, put up your hands!

*crickets*

Look, celebrate your love for eachother on Valentine's day.

Let me repeat that.

Celebrate.Your.Love.For.Eachother.On.Valentine's.Day.

Notice I didn't say "Prove your love for eachother on Valentine's day"?

Let's pull out the key words : Celebrate. Love. Eachother.

Yes, people, in case things have changed, love is a 2 way street.

Expecting your man to make you breakfast in bed, call you 16 times, Send you a dozen perfect roses from the most expensive florist in town - at the precisely perfect time so you can rub it in your co-workers face, take you for an expensive lunch, pick you up from work wearing a heart endorned scarf to take you for dinner at a 5 star restaurant only to come home to a flower petal trail to a hot bubble bath and 3 hours of lovemaking, and then pulling a hissy fit if he doesn't celebrate Valentine's day or PROVE HIS LOVE to you, to your exact specifications, isn't love.

Oops. I forgot the giant card that he rushed out to buy at 11 o'clock on Sunday night so that he'd avoid the wrath of you.

Putting men in a position to fail isn't love.

Men are different than us romantic, sentimental creatures. Some men are natural romantics. Some aren't. Stop forcing the issue.

I don't want my partner to hand me a valentine's gift with that "deer in the headlights" aka "Did I buy the right thing, Oh my god, please don't melt down on me" look in his eyes.

I want my partner to love me everyday. He doesn't have to buy me a tacky heart shaped pendant with diamond dust sprinkled all around it from Kay's Jewelers to prove it. I don't expect him to spend 3x on flowers for one day when the next he could spend what those flowers are worth.

The only thing I expect him to spend is his time. Not just on Valentine's day. Every day.

Stop specifying how love looks. It's one day! Grow up!

And while I'm on the subject, to you women that throw a hissy fit about the engagement ring your future spouse has presented you with : Smarten up.

You don't like the ring he gave you? Here's a newsflash : If he bought it for you without pissing his shorts in fear, and asked you to marry him without passing out in fear, I'd say that's a pretty big accomplishment. Oh, and what did you buy him? Was it worth 2 months of salary?

I heard about a woman who hated her engagement ring so much that she threw it out of a moving vehicle.

What you do with the love you're given says a lot about you.

Stop dictating how you think love looks. Love looks the way your partner is capable of showing you. Let's stop scaring the crap out of our lovers, shall we?

Be grateful.

Do Nice Guys Really Finish Last?

I have several single male friends. I spend time with them because they really rock my world. They are wonderful, talented, smart, handsome, generous.....all of the qualities females claim to want in a mate.

Yet, they are still single.

The major complaint I hear from my male friends is that the girls they are trying to date are "flaky" or "playing mind games".

Hear this: No relationship worth being in, romantic or otherwise should have mind games. It's time to grow up and walk away from people that want to keep you guessing about how they feel about you or what they want. It's absolutely unnecessary for people to play around with your emotions. This goes for ANY relationship you are in, by the way ( platonic, family, romantic).

Think about your past relationships. Did you ever have a "psycho" girlfriend? One that was insecure, dropped absolutely everything to spend time with you, controlling, jealous....cried on the phone a lot, made mountains out of molehills?

Yes?

Then you know THAT side of how women can be. You don't want that, right? So, why would you want the opposite: someone that cancels plans all of the time and really could care less what you are doing or whether they see you or not? Obviously you want a confident woman ( and if you don't, that's a whole other ball of "twisted" wax) and someone who isn't controlling or jealous. But, we all want someone who WANTS to spend time with us. There is a happy medium between the psycho and the non-caring. It's called a mature, rational and loving human being.

Hear this: If they cancel the first date, give them a pass. If they continually change the details of dates or flake out on you at the last minute THEY AREN'T INTERESTED IN YOU.

They are likely more interested in the fact that you are interested in them. AND they likely have something/someone else they are exploring the possibility of at the same time. Stringing you along as a consolation prize has no consequence to them.

People will show you who they are and how they will treat you very early in your relationship with them. PAY ATTENTION.

There's a saying that "nice guys finish last". And you know what? If you continue to enable these women to play games with you, you will finish last. You will finish alone.

The myth that women are not like men when it comes to dating is FALSE. Just like there are wonderful men who are loyal, honest, forthcoming with their feelings, and direct, there are just as many women who are disloyal, dishonest, and play games.

Somewhere along the line, women decided that they could date like a man and have sex like a man. You need to follow your gut instinct, not your penis instinct. Learn the difference.

If you are a kind man, these women will take advantage of you. If you let them.

You will not change another human being. You cannot make someone fall in love with you. You cannot trick them into loving you by engaging in mind games with them.

People decide early on if you are special to them, and they want to spend time with you.

You will know it. Women have a tendency to binge on relationships early on. They will move mountains to spend time with you and make you feel like the only man on the planet.

When that happens, pay attention. It's not a trick.

Hear this: Stop spending time with people who don't make you a priority.