4 habits that changed my life

I'm incredibly happy with my life. Sure, there are things that could be better. I know that I am in control of most of the outcomes in my life, so if I want things to improve, it's up to me.

However, I do believe that happiness is a habit. And habits are formed with practice and consistency.

I have employed some habits over the years that have literally changed my life;

I stopped taking things personally - This was probably the most important and impactful decision I have ever made in my life.

About 12 years ago I got involved with a man that was SO wrong for me. He took advantage of my good nature and my huge heart. Of everyone I've ever let into my life, he was the most destructive to my well being. But, he was the biggest gift I have ever received. Ironic? His gift to me was the worst relationship I had ever been in. Because of our relationship, I found a couple's relationship course that we took together. I learned so many things about myself during that time, but the most important ( several thousand dollar, yet valuable) lesson I learned was not to take things personally. In addition to that, I learned that whatever we were fighting about had nothing to do with what we were fighting about. It had everything to do with us. Fighting about my messy bathroom counter top, or his addictions, had nothing to do with either of those things, only about how the other person felt when those issues arose.

The same can be said about anything in life. When someone says something snide to/about me, ridicules me, or tries to hurt me, It has NOTHING to do with me. Now, I'm not trying to skirt the blame for things I may do wrong, but if someone takes issue with my personality, talks about me behind my back or takes advantage of me, I realize it has very little ( if anything) to do with me. As an example, I had a man in my industry once tell me that he thought I was arrogant. After getting to know him a bit more, I realized that he appeared to be threatened by me, and my ability to speak my mind. That has NOTHING to do with me, rather, how he felt about himself. I can't change that. I'm not going to change who I am to make him more comfortable.

I have a couple of friends who obsess with what others think of them, and how/why they feel sabotaged by people in their lives. Unless someone is really important to me, I move on when I feel that way. Otherwise I get curious and ask. One could literally drive themselves crazy trying to figure out how others perceive them.

Just remember; the way others treat you speaks volumes about how they feel about themselves. It's really as simple as that.

I surrounded myself with music -My parents and grandparents always had music on in the house. This is a habit I have never grown out of. Good music always moves me. If I'm in a bad mood, I do a check up on myself and often, I notice that I've not heard music for awhile leading up to my negative mood. So, on goes the stereo and 9 times out of 10 I can lift myself out of that funk.

I turned off the TV - I have a select number of TV shows that I am dedicated to watching, and I think that mindless television is a great treat once in awhile. When I refer to turning off the TV, I mean that I have stopped watching the news and reading the newspaper. Seriously. I have no use for it. To me, the press is an entertainment and sales medium. And I am not buying what they are selling. The news is a bad bedtime story. Every time I turn it on, I see a pretty woman with a grin on her face talking about a murder suicide, a car crash, or rape. How the hell can you smile when delivering such heinous news? I imagine it's like your creepy uncle reading you a bedtime story; his bad breath hitting your nostrils right before you lay down and pretend to sleep so he'll leave the room. Forget it. The news reminds me that human beings are pretty unhappy, and rather sick beings who get off on the tragedy of others. That's gross to me. The newspaper is no better. One day it's a story about how bad things are, the next day the same byline has a story with the exact opposite sentiment. Not to mention, most people only read the headlines. The papers know this and create headlines that are catchy and shocking. I don't buy it.

Because I don't digest the news, my life is rather nice. The business that I am in, according to the news, is in dire straits, yet my personal business is flourishing. I believe this has everything to do with my attitude - I don't base my life on what the news tells me. I am aware of what is going on in the world and do my research, independent of the news companies whenever possible. Avoiding the news doesn't make me naive, in fact, I think it sharpens my senses and my ability to recognize what is important in my life and the world around me.

I stopped buying "gossip rags" - I used to purchase gossip rags and devour the nasty rumours manufactured or embellished about celebrities. It used to be kind of fun to see beautiful, rich people having hard times. Then Diana died. I know it seems cliche, but her death made me think about my contribution to her demise. The fact that she was being chased by the paparazzi for photos and gossip, when she died, made me rethink every buying another gossip rag. Every dollar I spend on that type of entertainment just fuels the machine. I realize that they are just for entertainment, but I also reflected on how I felt when I was done "reading" those publications. Instead of feeling superior to those "tortured" celebrities, I felt dirty. So, I made a decision to stop. Once in awhile, when I'm travelling, I am tempted to buy them for the flight, but I decide that sitting looking at the back of the head of the person in front of me is a better use of my time.

I don't judge people who watch the news, buy gossip rags or take things personally. I do judge people that don't like music though! ( I'm kidding ). Each of us has our own set of standards and live our lives the way we see fit. By changing just a few really easy things, I have made my life happier. Obviously, aside from taking things personally, the other 3 may seem small, but they have made a world of difference in my life.

What the F❤ck is Ladylike?

"I’m sorry about your girl
Little center of the universe
Axis turns the world
And you need a jet to get to her
Oh, the way she moves, attracts all kinds of focus
From all over the room
She smokes, not ladylike. She’s not ladylike....

The song scattered throughout this post is written and performed by an amazing woman, and artist, Storm Large. It, along with another song (Dave Matthews Band's "The Stone") really resonates with me every time I hear it.

I often question what ladylike is, because, I admit it; sometimes I am not.

I curse. I wear jeans, rocker T's and leather bracelets. I drink from time to time. And I speak my mind.

A lot of the time.

I do, however, clean up well. I have beautiful designer business clothes that I wear when necessary. I love purses. I cannot pass a shoe store without having a look. I carry on conversations ( 99.99% of them, in fact,) without swearing. I am gracious and kind.

I don't think "ladylike" is always what is on the outside. Sure, you can dress anyone up and present them to the world, but if they don't have what it takes to be a "lady", their appearance will just become a costume.

So, what the fuck is ladylike?

To me, you can answer that question in 2 ways.

Ladylike can be a way you carry yourself. It can come through in the way you present yourself as a human being, a soul. Do you care about people, and does it shine through, sincerely? Do you laugh often, not at others, but with them? Can you look beyond your own mirror into someone else's' eyes, and sympathize with them? Can you? Moreover, will you?

It can shine through in your appearance. Do you care about how you look on the outside? Because, trust me, if you feel lovely on the outside, it is easier to feel lovely on the inside...and then it shines through. But it isn't all about clothes. It can be the laugh lines around your eyes, or a gentle smile. More importantly, it's in the way you carry yourself. Can you enter a room and make your presence known without stealing the show?

In many ways, to me, that is ladylike.

And then, there is lady like. And what I mean by that is doing what the lady likes...

...Well I’m so sorry about your wife
She’s up and off and running

Going on with her own life
Word to your mother
She’s stunning

And there’s a part of you
That’s just a little scared of her
Axis turns the world

And you need a jet to get to her
She’s great and she knows

How to wear the pants
And the rest of your clothes...

I think it is important to do the things that create balance in your life. That is part of nurturing your womanhood. The lyrics above describe me in many ways. I have my own life, apart from my duties as a wife and a business woman. I have never felt more empowered than I have since embracing my needs and focusing my energy on what is important to me. Without that gift to myself, I can turn into a monster....which is in no way, ladylike.

I believe that the key is to do what you like without reckless disregard for those around you. It's an art. If you haven't done "what you want" for much of your life, and then suddenly embrace this value, it can be frightening for you and for those around you. Approaching this with grace embodies the ideal of "ladylike".

What the fuck is ladylike

If ladies like to do what the fuck they like
Just like you, yeah. Just like you

Look out man here comes another one...

Like anything, terms and characterizations, rules and ideas are all open to interpretation. Under my interpretation, I am a lady...

A well-rounded, well-spoken lady who likes to kick a little ass.

...On my knees or on all fours
From underneath
Hear me roar"

Lyrics by Storm Large "Ladylike"