Meet me in the Middle

I've always gone out of my way for people. I was a pleaser as a child and brought that into adulthood with me. I'm less of a pleaser now, although I'm still compelled to help my friends out, or accommodate a client to ensure they are satisfied with my service. But, more and more, I am becoming less satisfied. Less pleased.

I looked at my odometer the other day and was astonished at how many miles I've put on my car this year. I use my car for work, so it's not entirely a surprise, but I got to thinking tonight about the last time a friend came to visit me. I'm always out and about and tend to make things easy for people by driving across the city to see them. I make things easy for my clients by making sure they are most comfortable when we are meeting. I don't want to inconvenience anyone.

I've been in a very happy place lately and I've noticed that as a result I'm feeling a bit smothered lately. Or rather, grabbed at, if that makes sense. I feel like some people see me opening up and are wanting some of whatever they see glowing out of me. The natural response for me in that situation is to retreat. And that is what I feel I am doing.

No, I'm not depressed. No, I'm not being a hermit. I just have decided that if my friends want me to continue to go out of my way for them, I'm going to need them to meet me in the middle. Literally and figuratively.

I know it's not proper to give with the expectation of getting back, but I'm there. My emotional bank is full but I've restricted who gets to make withdrawals. There seems to be a discrepancy amongst the checks and balances. And because I've been letting everyone take out the same amount, I haven't been depositing the proper amounts into the emotional banks of the people most deserving of my time, love, and generosity. I'm not going to stop giving or being me, because I can't help that. But I am very aware of who is abusing my good nature.

I had a friend call upon me the other night. He never asks for help and I was more than happy to assist him. Then he apologized for imposing upon me. For one thing, he could ask me for help every day for the rest of his life and I would help him. Because I know he would do the same for me.

Here's the thing: The friends that I help or cater to the most, don't seem to appreciate it. And they are the ones who expect the most from me.

Remember that old saying "You teach people how to treat you"?

Well, I'm about to change up the curriculum.